Ready

I realized it has been 2 months since I last blogged. Granted, my blogging overall has dwindled, but I still feel compelled to blog every now and then. At any rate, I felt as though the only thing I can really talk about is the pending birth of our third child. And I can't believe I'm posting these pictures, but, what the heck, right?

I am currently one week from my due date. Everything is ready. My bag is packed. Bought the minivan. I am ready. Now for me to say that I am ready, really means that I am ready. I have long been known to be very honest about pregnancy, childbirth, newbornhood, and child rearing. And I laugh when I hear women complain about being pregnant with their first child, because little do they know that being pregnant is about 1000% easier than actually having a newborn and adjusting this major life change.

At any rate, this third pregnancy has certainly defined for me that I am done with having children. Will I miss being pregnant? Yes, but probably only because you can actually let your belly hang out comfortably without always feeling like you have to suck it in. Will I miss feeling the baby move in my belly? Yes, but not in the middle of the night. Will I miss "low rise" maternity pants? Come on, NO! What the heck are they anyways? Will I miss people asking when I'm due, telling me I looked like I'm getting big, telling me "it's just fluid weight", or that I look like I've "dropped"? No.

Nevertheless, this pregnancy has been the easiest of them all. Very little symptoms, felt great most the time, and really just cannot find any major things to complain about. I reflect back on the other 2 pregnancies. Alexa, being my first, I was so careful about everything. I don't even think I let at drop of caffeine touch my lips for fear I would ruin her. Then Zachary, I think I cried the entire pregnancy in fear and anxiety about having a baby that would need open heart surgery at birth. Then for this pregnancy, just a mixture of excitement and concern that I am upsetting the apple cart by introducing another child into this family.

And therein lies my juxtaposition. The excitement of growing our family, and the sadness that I will be losing what has become routine and familiar. What if I can't handle three? What if Alexa and Zach hate me for bringing home another baby? What if I can't possibly give each of them what they need? What if they grow up and turn wayward because I am spread too thin? How will I carry the carseat and make sure Zachary doesn't run off in the parking lot? What if the baby needs to needs to feed while I am waiting to drop Alexa off in the school line? What if the kids try to pick up the new baby while I'm in the other room and her head flops around? What if I can't possibly function properly with the older two when I am so dead tired after being up all night with the baby?

As you can see, my concerns range from temporary to long term. However, though I do have these concerns, I have learned with what I have been through already, that no stage lasts forever, and, again to quote my dad, they are going to grow up no matter what I do. So, I am choosing to embrace this next chapter in our lives, and ready to have this baby and get on with life. So yes, though I have some anxieties, I am ready. Ready to see what twists and turns our lives will take on in the coming months and years. Ready to see how much more love I can give to this new little girl. Ready to give away my maternity clothes.